Archive for the ‘Bird Humor’ Category

Birds in his beard…

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My Christmas Movie: “The Big Year”

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Bird Puns Galore

1.  When should you buy a bird?

When it’s going cheep!

2. Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?

He wanted to make a long distance caw.

3. How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.

4. Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

5. How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.

6. What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon.

7. What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!

8. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra.

9. What do you call a very rude bird?

A mockingbird!

10. Why couldn’t anyone see the bird?

Because it was in da skies!

11. What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?

Jail-birds!

12. How did the bird break into the house?

With a crow bar.

13. What language do geese speak?

Porchageese.

14. What kind of bird runs the church?

A cardinal!

15. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?

Because he had a very big bill.

16. What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?

Cherpies.

17. What does a bird like in his soup?

Crowtons.

18. What bird movie won an Oscar?

Lord of the Wings.

19. What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?

A firequaker!

20. What is a parrot’s favorite game?

Hide and Speak!

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21. What do you call a bird that kicks your butt?

Steven Seagull.

22. Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying “bach bach”!

23. What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb?

A bald eagle.

24. Where does bird royalty live?

Duckingham Palace.

25. What kind of bird can carry the most weight?

The crane.

26. What books did the owl like?

Hoot-dunits!

27. What robs you while you’re in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.

28. What bird can you buy at the grocery store?

A kiwi.

29. What bird is helpful at dinner?

A swallow!

30. What’s another name for a clever duck?

A wise quacker!

31. Which bird is always out of breath?

A puffin!

32. What soap do birds use?

Dove.

33. Where do birds invest their money?

In the stork market!

34. What did the Eagle say when he was cold?

Birrrrrd.

35. What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead.

36. Which birds steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks!

37. How many cans does it take to make a bird?

Tucans.

38. What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?

Fowl play!

39. What do you call a sick eagle?

Illegal

40. What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?

Tweetie Pie!

41. What birds spend all their time on their knees?

Birds of prey!

42. What does duck eat with his soup?

Quackers.

43. What do you get when you cross a bird with a comedian?

Jay Leno.

44. What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.

45. How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.

46. Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don’t know the words.

47. What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

48. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls!

49. What do you call a chicken in the 1960’s?

A funky chicken.

 

The Owls of Bath

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Minerva’s Owls Bath Sculpture Trail!

The Birds Yesterday

ForstersTernYesterday morning, I went for a walk with my dog. (This is a habit.) As we entered Willow Creek Park, I saw two finches, one with a raspberry hood and one gray, and I heard them singing – endlessly trilling and repeating.

Because it was early, and the grass was dewy, and the insects were out early, the Black Phoebe (a flycatcher) was swooping over the green grass. I love the Black Phoebe! She landed on the branch of a green tree near me, as if to say hello to me. She is quite used to me for I am always walking through her territory.

Later in the day, at home, the black crows were irritated about something. One was standing on the lawn in front of my place, cawing. My dog came outside with me, but the bold crow did not fly away immediately. There were still other crows who gathered in a tree, complaining. I tried to figure out what had irritated them, but it was not at all obvious.

I took another walk in the evening with my dog. I happened to glance up at just the right moment and see the white belly and black-edged under-feathers of the wings of the Forester’s Tern. Thinking of this, I am reminded of the Byrds, singing: “To everything …. tern, tern, tern … there is a season … tern, tern, tern … :).